Met up with the ten cool people today. Lunch at Za's Hut (Pizza Hut) and a cake with songs for Pat and Dick! HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE DEARIES KRABBY PATTY & DEE-I-SEE-KAY!

Followed by a walk in town aimless with those left, walked to far east, which was really far. What a hot lazy day. We didn't do much, but it was just plain AWESOME seeing those guys who really can make me smile no matter what.

But right now, I just don't feel like smiling. Someone keeps ruining my life. My JC life to be precise. I feel so restricted, constrained and confined. Is it just me, or do you play a part in this misery. Do you really need to have a say in everything I do. You really make my life so miserable right now, I feel so torn apart. Shit I feel like crying, although I've cried so hard already. This is dragging too long, my eyes are sore from holding back those tears again. Maybe its me, perhaps I really need to learn how to balance things out, give ample time to both sides. But I feel really happy on one side, and not so much on the other. And I don't want this to happen. This is what I dread the most. In the end, what it all boils down to is, I think I'm screwing my own life like shit. I hate this whole thing. And I have a feeling that you read this. Or you can read my mind, which totally freaks me out.